A New Year and I Can't Weight!!!!

Captains Log Star Date 2009:


Scene 8: Four Months Later:  Hello, it's me again.  I know the word "Weight" seems wrong, but I mean non weight bearing, which I should be doing by now, as it has only been 4 months.  I have made progress though.  I have moved back upstairs, no more couches for me.  I am using my crutches better, but I can't STAND using them at all.  The most important news is that I still have my handy dandy pee bottle.  This is the greatest invention ever, but for some strange reason my family does not agree.  Go figure?

This has been my routine for the last 4 months.  A visit to Dr. F.K every 2 to 3 weeks, with him saying, "your foot is aligned, but don't put weight on it yet."  It sounded like a broken record.  Would you be concerned at this point?  Remember, I have been out of work since 12/08 and it is now 4/09.  Frustration has set in a wee bit because my bone has not fused yet.  I've been eating all kinds of vitamins, used a bone stimulating machine (another one of Dr. F.K.'s bright ideas), and constantly asking the Lord why?  Why me?  Sometimes I would just have a blank look on my face, and feel so numb.  That's not me though, I laugh at everything.  Does anybody have a time machine for sale?  Right now I should be asking God for strength, and stronger faith, right?  Well, it has not yet hit me that I should.  I'm trying to pilot this ship on my own, without a G.P.S.  God Pleasing Spirit.  So now what do I do?  I will stay upset, but keep my feelings bottled up.  Inside I am screaming, I can't WALK, I can't WALK, I can't WALK!  I was assured that I would be walking and back to work by now.  I can't WEIGHT any more!!!

Okay, I have to regroup and access the situation.  I have a deformed foot that's not healing.  I have been out of work for 4 months going on 5, and for some reason I am starting to have tremors, and my head is twitching.  Hmmm?  That's odd, but extremely important to know for later.  Bills are still coming in, I guess they didn't get the memo that I'm not working.  My boo and I prepared for a 6 month stretch as a worse case scenario.  Knock, knock.  Who is it?  Hello, it's me, Worse Case Scenario, nice to meet you.  I tried to slam the door on him, but he came in anyway.  What am I going to do now?  My kids are constantly asking me, daddy, when is your foot gonna heal?  Are you going back to work?  They miss me running with them, chasing them, throwing them in the air, pushing them in a wheelbarrow.  All of that is slowly slipping away and I can't stop it.  My family and friends are starting to help financially.  Pride is something I had to swallow if I wanted my family to be taken care of, and trust me, it was very hard to swallow!  Accepting financial help was not easy for me, but it was necessary.  All I could do was say thank you, and hold back the tears.  My friends and family all said, "we know you would do it for us." 

Scene 9:  5 months later:  I go through the motions for about another month, and on this one particular visit he tells me and my boo that he may have to go in a 3rd time.  WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS?  I had to hold it in.  My boo and I were blown away.  After 5 months you want to go back in?  He said he could not understand why the bone was not fusing.  He said that he's done this surgery a 100 times and can't understand why.  He can't understand?  He says he's never had this happen before.  Well, me either.  I asked him could he take a cat scan to be sure the bone has not fused?  He agreed and ordered it.  Two weeks later he tells us, " no change."  He explains to us what he would do for the 3rd surgery, but he can't guarantee it would work.  He said I could get a 2nd opinion, but somebody has to go back in, even if it's not him.  What kind of statement is that to make?   After being told that I needed a 3rd surgery, I went home, crawled upstairs to my room, and cried for the first time.  My kids came in my room and asked their mommy, why is daddy crying?  My kids have never seen me cry.   So my family came in and cried with me.  We all cried about my foot not healing, not being able to go back to work, and getting ready to lose something that we tried to hang on to as long as we could......