My wife just reviewed my last post, and boy she gave me this LOOK!! Oh, it's all coming back to me now. My other in-laws!!! I knew there was someone missing. Okay, here we go. The first family consists of my BIL: Ed Hughes (news reporter). I never miss a beat with him around, local and world news, stocks, you name, he's got me covered. My next BIL is The Weather and Sports Man (BIL #3). Between him and BIL #1, I never need to watch CNN, local news, ESPN, TWC, or any of those channels. There is also my niece Little P and my nephew Pedro. I love those kids. Last but not least is my SIL, Nemesis. Nemesis you ask? Every superhero has one. Why shouldn't I? She is a good one too. The epic battle's we've had. The wars that we have fought. Never have I encountered an adversary as such. Let me tell you, she can drive bus over you like nobody's business. She keeps me on my A-Game. She thinks the world of me, but she won't say it. Well, enough about her.
The next set of in-laws is my BIL #2: Smoke Signals (inside joke), SIL: Guest, and my nephew: Little Man. These are my child safety experts. They can tell me about a recall before it hits the news. Guest also acts as my Emergency Broadcast Signal. You know the one .... "We interrupt this program to bring you the following public service announcement."
So with a with a family like this, why am I paying for cable? There, I mentioned them. Man, was that hard to do. Just kidding! Yes, I have blessed to have these folks in my life through these trying times. They have all played a major role in our lives and I am so thankful!!! Well enough of that, I am about to throw up in my mouth!!! Plus, I'm recovering from my surgery, and I am about to wake up... P.S, these folks will never be blessed again with a BIL like me. Hahahahahahahahahaaha!!!
Action!!
Oh, WAIT!!!!!
Big shout out to my peeps down south, Rog (my brother from another mother), Flo short for Florence (his wife and the first person I've ever knew to make Pot Roast Tacos), and The Bunch (all my nieces and nephews)! Who else would drive 4hrs with 20 kids to help pack my house and move? If I could only put into words what you guys have done for us. If you looked up the definition of friend, your name would be in there. RIGHT UNDER MINE. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Seriously, these guys couldn't be anymore like family if we born from the same mother. Love you guys ... okay I'm about to throw up again. Moving on...
Big shout out to my Cool Cuz & The Twin (his wife, also known as Weezy). For those who don't know my cousin, you might have seen him on ESPN. He is a professional golfer but he wants to keep his identity secret. Thanks for keeping me laughing. 829 ;)
Also, big shout out to my boys out west, JT and MW!
Action!!!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Intermission
We are now in intermission. I'm now in the recovery room RECOVERING from my second surgery. So at this time I want to introduce and thank my supporting cast. What? I can't have a supporting cast? Without these people I would not be where I am today. First, I want to say that I WILL NOT BE USING ANYONE'S REAL NAME DUE TO THE FACT THAT I MAY HAVE TO PAY ROYALTIES!!! Good luck trying to get those, that's like trying to squeeze blood out of a turnip. You can't take what ain't there!!!!!! My rolling father-in-law always says that and I love it. Please follow along as I introduce them.
Here is my immediate family. Introducing my beautiful wife: My Boo, my daughter: Po'Cheese, my son: Cho-Cho, and my baby boy: Tunk, and last but not least, me: SNS (Shaken' Not Stirred) or Mr. Incredible if you prefer. They have been truly blessed to have a husband and dad like me. If you don't believe me, just ask me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's just funny right there, I don't care who you are.
The next group would be my in-laws. Ma and Pa Dukes. These are my wife's peeps. They have been so good to us. My kids light up when they see them coming. Everyone should have inlaws like mine. When my FIL (father in law) called me a NAME, that I won't mention, the first time I met him, I knew it was on and poppin' like popcorn. It was almost like getting a man hug or blessings to marry his daughter. They hit the jack pot when I came into the family. They to were blessed to have me as their son-in-law. Whew, I can't take it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
The next group is my peeps. My mom: Grandma, brother: Gums, and brother: Bubba. They to played a special role in my ordeal. Family is truly important to me, and I want them all to be recognized. What can I say, who wouldn't want a son/brother like me? Man, I can't believe I spread so much happiness. Whooaa boy, what to do? What to do? I think that's it. I can't think of anyone else in my supporting cast that has helped me so much in my time of need.
Oh, I remember, my co-workers!!! How could I forget them. They are just like family. They helped us move, called to see if we needed anything, came to our house to play Santa one Christmas, and took up collections for us when times were tight. They were truly a blessing to us.
Well, that's it. So get your popcorn, candy, soda, and nachos, the show will resume in just a few moments. For some reason I still think that somebody is missing and I can't really put my finger on it. Hmmmm? Oh well, whoever they may be, they must not be too important. Action!!!
Here is my immediate family. Introducing my beautiful wife: My Boo, my daughter: Po'Cheese, my son: Cho-Cho, and my baby boy: Tunk, and last but not least, me: SNS (Shaken' Not Stirred) or Mr. Incredible if you prefer. They have been truly blessed to have a husband and dad like me. If you don't believe me, just ask me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's just funny right there, I don't care who you are.
The next group would be my in-laws. Ma and Pa Dukes. These are my wife's peeps. They have been so good to us. My kids light up when they see them coming. Everyone should have inlaws like mine. When my FIL (father in law) called me a NAME, that I won't mention, the first time I met him, I knew it was on and poppin' like popcorn. It was almost like getting a man hug or blessings to marry his daughter. They hit the jack pot when I came into the family. They to were blessed to have me as their son-in-law. Whew, I can't take it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
The next group is my peeps. My mom: Grandma, brother: Gums, and brother: Bubba. They to played a special role in my ordeal. Family is truly important to me, and I want them all to be recognized. What can I say, who wouldn't want a son/brother like me? Man, I can't believe I spread so much happiness. Whooaa boy, what to do? What to do? I think that's it. I can't think of anyone else in my supporting cast that has helped me so much in my time of need.
Oh, I remember, my co-workers!!! How could I forget them. They are just like family. They helped us move, called to see if we needed anything, came to our house to play Santa one Christmas, and took up collections for us when times were tight. They were truly a blessing to us.
Well, that's it. So get your popcorn, candy, soda, and nachos, the show will resume in just a few moments. For some reason I still think that somebody is missing and I can't really put my finger on it. Hmmmm? Oh well, whoever they may be, they must not be too important. Action!!!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
The Second Surgery
Captains Log Star Date December 12-18, 2008.
SCENE 3: Where to begin? There are so many places to start. Let's start off with the fact that every morning I wake up either not being able to feel my foot, or in PAIN because of the 600lb freeze ray machine (that I did not sign or ask for) and the numbing pump on my 'fixed' foot (key word is fixed)!!!!! Can you tell I am a bit IRRITATED? So as I sit here awake on the couch about to PEE on myself and looking at my FULL handy dandy pee bottle, I look over and see my beautiful family sleeping so peacefully on a mattress all huddled together. Do I bother to wake up my boo and tell her I need help getting up to go to the bathroom, or just unleash all over the couch? Hmmmm? Decisions, decisions? Wait a minute, I'M TH E KING OF THIS CASTLE. WHEN I SAY JUMP, THEY SAY HOW HIGH SIR? WHEN I SAY I 'M HUNGRY, A PLATE IS BEFORE ME IN MINUTES. THAT'S HOW I ROLL. My vows say, love, honor, and OBEY. So needless to say, I snapped my fingers and the handy dandy pee bottle was emptied, food was in front of me, and a remote in my hand!! Okay, so that didn't really happen but my boo did awake from her peaceful sleep to help her man out.
Putting my leg down and feeling all the blood rush down to my 'fixed' foot was a good feeling. It made me want to have surgery on the other foot. NOT! Are you sensing any sarcasm? Good, I have plenty of it. Please somebody shoot me!! I reason to myself that I must feel the pain in order to enjoy my 'fixed' foot in the future. The things a man can endure to get back to his DUNKING abilities. Taking baths were fun too, and I don't mean just any old bath!! You have never experienced a bath until you have one while laying on the couch. Boy o boy, Good Times! Can you believe this is all happening in one weekend?
Monday is coming and it is going to be my first post op visit with Dr. F.K. I know whatever he says will make me feel better after my rough weekend. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHA.. I can't even write it without laughing.
SCENE 4 (The Liar Liar's Office): That's not very nice of me, is it? Oh well!!! Any who, as we sit there patiently waiting to be seen, a voice in my head says, " Run Forrest, Run." But how was I gonna do that with this ginormous cast on, crutches, and the fact I had surgery three days ago. Not a good combo, so I guess I need to go back and listen. The nurse calls my name, MR. INCREDIBLE, and we go back to cut off my cast, and BOY, was that an eye opener. I asked the nurse, "WHAT are you gonna cut with that Circular Saw?" She said, "Cut your cast of course." I gave her a look like, if you cut me with that, it's on!!! That was the first bad vibe! I almost ripped the table in half while she was cutting. I just knew she was going to cut my leg. I was glad when it was over. I went to take an X-ray and then waited for the doctor. He walks in and says, "How are you?" In my mind I'm looking at him like, Really? Are you asking me that seriously? Look at my foot, you tell me. Sarcasm kicking in again, sorry. Dr. F.K looks at the x-ray and stares at it like a deer in headlights! Then, he proceeds to say, "Hmmm?", while rubbing his chin. Hmmmmm? Hmmmm? WOW!! I should have ran like Forrest when I had the chance. Note to self, if your doc looks at an x-ray while scratching his head saying "Hmmmmm?", RUN, RUN, RUN for your life. After staring at the x-ray for 3 minutes or so and scratching his head, he said, "Everything looks good except one little thing..." This one little thing was the turning point of my 'FIXED' foot. That one little thing was a bone graft that popped up ever so slightly. He said nothing to worry about for now. See you in two weeks. What does that mean, for NOW? Did he not know the correct response was "All looks good. You should be up and DUNKING in no time." Okay, he's a quack, sorry, I mean doctor. Do you think I made it two weeks. Uh, no. Three days later, I receive what seems to me as a frantic phone call. It's Dr. F.K.. Surprise! Surprise! He begins to tell me that he showed the x-ray to his partner and he feels that it would be best from him to go back in and correct the shift in the bone graft immediately. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? TWO SURGERIES IN ONE WEEK. LUCKY ME.
SCENE 5 (BACK AT THE HOSPITAL): "Hey, you're back," the faculty said. Glad to see you. Step right up for round 2. Has anyone ever seen The Twilight Zone? Not only have I seen it, I was living it. So I go through the motion, sign my life away, get dressed, kiss my boo, and get prepped for slaughter (surgery) number 2. This time I had a different nurse prepping me. I only mention her because her needle puncture skills for the I.V. stunk. I have a logical question for you, HOW MANY TIMES SHOULD YOU STICK AN I.V. NEEDLE IN A VEIN THAT IS TO SMALL? Let me think, hmmm? No, hold on, hmmmmm? Well, the good thing is I can count and I told her she might want to pick another vein seeing that that needle isn't going in. I'm just saying. Hope I didn't hurt her feelings seeing that she is a NURSE and I'm not. Oh well, off I go again, drugged, still in pain from the FIRST surgery, and heading for my REDO. Life is good!!!
Well, I will continue later. My wife has the vittles ready and I don't miss a meal!
SCENE 3: Where to begin? There are so many places to start. Let's start off with the fact that every morning I wake up either not being able to feel my foot, or in PAIN because of the 600lb freeze ray machine (that I did not sign or ask for) and the numbing pump on my 'fixed' foot (key word is fixed)!!!!! Can you tell I am a bit IRRITATED? So as I sit here awake on the couch about to PEE on myself and looking at my FULL handy dandy pee bottle, I look over and see my beautiful family sleeping so peacefully on a mattress all huddled together. Do I bother to wake up my boo and tell her I need help getting up to go to the bathroom, or just unleash all over the couch? Hmmmm? Decisions, decisions? Wait a minute, I'M TH E KING OF THIS CASTLE. WHEN I SAY JUMP, THEY SAY HOW HIGH SIR? WHEN I SAY I 'M HUNGRY, A PLATE IS BEFORE ME IN MINUTES. THAT'S HOW I ROLL. My vows say, love, honor, and OBEY. So needless to say, I snapped my fingers and the handy dandy pee bottle was emptied, food was in front of me, and a remote in my hand!! Okay, so that didn't really happen but my boo did awake from her peaceful sleep to help her man out.
Putting my leg down and feeling all the blood rush down to my 'fixed' foot was a good feeling. It made me want to have surgery on the other foot. NOT! Are you sensing any sarcasm? Good, I have plenty of it. Please somebody shoot me!! I reason to myself that I must feel the pain in order to enjoy my 'fixed' foot in the future. The things a man can endure to get back to his DUNKING abilities. Taking baths were fun too, and I don't mean just any old bath!! You have never experienced a bath until you have one while laying on the couch. Boy o boy, Good Times! Can you believe this is all happening in one weekend?
Monday is coming and it is going to be my first post op visit with Dr. F.K. I know whatever he says will make me feel better after my rough weekend. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHA.. I can't even write it without laughing.
SCENE 4 (The Liar Liar's Office): That's not very nice of me, is it? Oh well!!! Any who, as we sit there patiently waiting to be seen, a voice in my head says, " Run Forrest, Run." But how was I gonna do that with this ginormous cast on, crutches, and the fact I had surgery three days ago. Not a good combo, so I guess I need to go back and listen. The nurse calls my name, MR. INCREDIBLE, and we go back to cut off my cast, and BOY, was that an eye opener. I asked the nurse, "WHAT are you gonna cut with that Circular Saw?" She said, "Cut your cast of course." I gave her a look like, if you cut me with that, it's on!!! That was the first bad vibe! I almost ripped the table in half while she was cutting. I just knew she was going to cut my leg. I was glad when it was over. I went to take an X-ray and then waited for the doctor. He walks in and says, "How are you?" In my mind I'm looking at him like, Really? Are you asking me that seriously? Look at my foot, you tell me. Sarcasm kicking in again, sorry. Dr. F.K looks at the x-ray and stares at it like a deer in headlights! Then, he proceeds to say, "Hmmm?", while rubbing his chin. Hmmmmm? Hmmmm? WOW!! I should have ran like Forrest when I had the chance. Note to self, if your doc looks at an x-ray while scratching his head saying "Hmmmmm?", RUN, RUN, RUN for your life. After staring at the x-ray for 3 minutes or so and scratching his head, he said, "Everything looks good except one little thing..." This one little thing was the turning point of my 'FIXED' foot. That one little thing was a bone graft that popped up ever so slightly. He said nothing to worry about for now. See you in two weeks. What does that mean, for NOW? Did he not know the correct response was "All looks good. You should be up and DUNKING in no time." Okay, he's a quack, sorry, I mean doctor. Do you think I made it two weeks. Uh, no. Three days later, I receive what seems to me as a frantic phone call. It's Dr. F.K.. Surprise! Surprise! He begins to tell me that he showed the x-ray to his partner and he feels that it would be best from him to go back in and correct the shift in the bone graft immediately. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? TWO SURGERIES IN ONE WEEK. LUCKY ME.
SCENE 5 (BACK AT THE HOSPITAL): "Hey, you're back," the faculty said. Glad to see you. Step right up for round 2. Has anyone ever seen The Twilight Zone? Not only have I seen it, I was living it. So I go through the motion, sign my life away, get dressed, kiss my boo, and get prepped for slaughter (surgery) number 2. This time I had a different nurse prepping me. I only mention her because her needle puncture skills for the I.V. stunk. I have a logical question for you, HOW MANY TIMES SHOULD YOU STICK AN I.V. NEEDLE IN A VEIN THAT IS TO SMALL? Let me think, hmmm? No, hold on, hmmmmm? Well, the good thing is I can count and I told her she might want to pick another vein seeing that that needle isn't going in. I'm just saying. Hope I didn't hurt her feelings seeing that she is a NURSE and I'm not. Oh well, off I go again, drugged, still in pain from the FIRST surgery, and heading for my REDO. Life is good!!!
Well, I will continue later. My wife has the vittles ready and I don't miss a meal!
Friday, March 25, 2011
The First Surgery
Captains Log Star Date December 11, 2008.
Well, it's surgery day and I am pumped. I kiss my troops goodbye and my wife drives me to the hospital for my slaughtering. Sorry, I meant to say surgery. I filled out the necessary paper work...
SORRY, THERE HAS BEEN A BREAKING NEWS FLASH.. THE DUKE BLUE DEVILS HAVE LOST, I REPEAT THE DUKE BLUE DEVILS HAVE LOST...
Now for a moment of silence.. Hahahahahahahahahahaha, so much for that.
Mean while back at the ranch, I was filling out all my paperwork. Things like, Dr. F.K can operate on my foot (RED LIGHT), next of kin, blood type, etc, etc.. The one that sticks out is he wanted to use a numbing pump to relieve the pain after the surgery, THIS IS IMPORTANT! So all that is done, and I kiss my boo bye. Off to the prep room I go. Don't slaughter houses have prep rooms too? Hmm? Anyway, I meet the staff and we joke and kid until the anesthesiologist breaks out his numbing needle for my leg. He proceeds to ask me a very stupid question, ready? He asks me, "Do I want the whole leg numb or just from the calf down?" The kicker was the second question, "DO YOU WANT TO BE COMPLETELY KNOCKED OUT?" HELLO, we have a winner. Well, now that we have taken care of that, let's get to the numbing. My friend breaks out a needle the size of a flagpole. So of course I ask him, where is THAT going? "In your hip," he says. Well that's nice, I replied. He did assure me that I would be passed out before he put it in my hip, and thank my Heavenly Father I was. That would have been an ugly scene. Now, I am prepped, drugged, and ready to be wheeled off. Oh, I forgot to say that Dr F.K. said, "Everything would be fine." Can we all say "LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!!"
Scene two: Well, I am awake in the recovery room in a daze wondering where I am. Oh, that's right I got my foot fixed. My boo comes to the recovery room and sits with me. Dr. F.K. comes in and says, "It took a little longer than expected." Really? How long does is take to permanently disable somebody? Remember when I signed all that paperwork including the paperwork for the numbing pump. The pump was there in my cast, but so was a 600lb ice machine on my foot that I did not SIGN for. Yes, that company tried to charge me for their $435.00 ice machine that I did not SIGN for. If anyone ever offers you such a device PLEASE say no. It gets so cold you want to cut off your foot. Dr F.K. says, "It reduces swelling." I guess so because it freezes your blood so it won't circulate. [ By the way if anybody needs one, I still have mine as a collectors item.] I am now going home, drugged and frozen, nice combo. My boo had to drag me up the stairs to get in my house, and get a chair with wheels to roll me to the couch where I would be for awhile. So there I lay on the couch with a remote to the TV, my drugs, numbing pump, freeze ray machine, and my handy dandy pee cup. Can you picture it? Man, I haven't even got to the good part.. Remember, this is the first surgery.
Well, it's surgery day and I am pumped. I kiss my troops goodbye and my wife drives me to the hospital for my slaughtering. Sorry, I meant to say surgery. I filled out the necessary paper work...
SORRY, THERE HAS BEEN A BREAKING NEWS FLASH.. THE DUKE BLUE DEVILS HAVE LOST, I REPEAT THE DUKE BLUE DEVILS HAVE LOST...
Now for a moment of silence.. Hahahahahahahahahahaha, so much for that.
Mean while back at the ranch, I was filling out all my paperwork. Things like, Dr. F.K can operate on my foot (RED LIGHT), next of kin, blood type, etc, etc.. The one that sticks out is he wanted to use a numbing pump to relieve the pain after the surgery, THIS IS IMPORTANT! So all that is done, and I kiss my boo bye. Off to the prep room I go. Don't slaughter houses have prep rooms too? Hmm? Anyway, I meet the staff and we joke and kid until the anesthesiologist breaks out his numbing needle for my leg. He proceeds to ask me a very stupid question, ready? He asks me, "Do I want the whole leg numb or just from the calf down?" The kicker was the second question, "DO YOU WANT TO BE COMPLETELY KNOCKED OUT?" HELLO, we have a winner. Well, now that we have taken care of that, let's get to the numbing. My friend breaks out a needle the size of a flagpole. So of course I ask him, where is THAT going? "In your hip," he says. Well that's nice, I replied. He did assure me that I would be passed out before he put it in my hip, and thank my Heavenly Father I was. That would have been an ugly scene. Now, I am prepped, drugged, and ready to be wheeled off. Oh, I forgot to say that Dr F.K. said, "Everything would be fine." Can we all say "LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!!"
Scene two: Well, I am awake in the recovery room in a daze wondering where I am. Oh, that's right I got my foot fixed. My boo comes to the recovery room and sits with me. Dr. F.K. comes in and says, "It took a little longer than expected." Really? How long does is take to permanently disable somebody? Remember when I signed all that paperwork including the paperwork for the numbing pump. The pump was there in my cast, but so was a 600lb ice machine on my foot that I did not SIGN for. Yes, that company tried to charge me for their $435.00 ice machine that I did not SIGN for. If anyone ever offers you such a device PLEASE say no. It gets so cold you want to cut off your foot. Dr F.K. says, "It reduces swelling." I guess so because it freezes your blood so it won't circulate. [ By the way if anybody needs one, I still have mine as a collectors item.] I am now going home, drugged and frozen, nice combo. My boo had to drag me up the stairs to get in my house, and get a chair with wheels to roll me to the couch where I would be for awhile. So there I lay on the couch with a remote to the TV, my drugs, numbing pump, freeze ray machine, and my handy dandy pee cup. Can you picture it? Man, I haven't even got to the good part.. Remember, this is the first surgery.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
It Was A Dark And Stormy Night
I guess I should talk about what happened to me, so that it would explain my Running in Heaven title. Okay here it goes. IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT, oops wrong story. Once upon a time, there was a young father who was enjoying life. He had a great job (see the word had, this will be important later ) with all the trimmings. He has a beautiful wife and three wonderful kids. Everything was great until I had a tiny little problem with my left foot. Normally I would just brush off the pain, but this time it was a little different. It was affecting my DUNKING when I landed or took off. I was not trying to hear that! Oh, it was affecting my walking too. So, I go see my primary care physician (PCP) and tell him what's going on with my foot, and he says I know the perfect guy to fix it. WHAT A GUY!!! He will be called Dr Foot Killer. My wife and I decide to go see Dr F.K and that's when the fun begins.
Captains Log Star Date September 2008. Well we go and see Dr. F.K and he tells us what is wrong with my foot. He tells us that I am wearing away the joint in my ankle and that orthotics will not help. He said surgery would be my only option. To make sure he is right,( ha ha ha ha ha ha ha) he sends me to get a ct scan to make sure that is the problem. Well, he says, just as I figured I was right. Surgery is your only option. He said he has done it hundreds of times. I should have asked if he has done this surgery or killed a foot hundreds of times! He said I would be back on my feet in 3-4 months. This is March 2011 and my first surgery was December 2008, you do the math!!! Well we agreed to the surgery and we were very exited to know that my foot problems were getting ready to disappear. Wow, what a relief to know that I would soon be able to walk and DUNK pain free again. We were all smiles until December 2008, that is when my life changed forever...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The Last Time I Ran
The last time I ran with my earthly legs was December 10, 2008. I was in my backyard running my three beautiful kids in a wheelbarrow. I told them daddy will do this again in a few months or so after foot my surgery. Little did I know that it would be the last time that I would ever run with my kids again! Little did I know that my quick fix surgery would change my family's and my life forever.
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