The Second Surgery

Captains Log Star Date December 12-18, 2008.

SCENE 3:   Where to begin? There are so many places to start. Let's start off with the fact that every morning I wake up either not being able to feel my foot, or in PAIN because of the 600lb freeze ray machine (that I did not sign or ask for) and the numbing pump on my 'fixed' foot (key word is fixed)!!!!!  Can you tell I am a bit IRRITATED?   So as I sit here awake on the couch about to PEE on myself and looking at my FULL handy dandy pee bottle, I look over and see my beautiful family sleeping so peacefully on a  mattress all huddled together. Do I bother to wake up my boo and tell her I need help getting up to go to  the bathroom, or just unleash all over the couch? Hmmmm? Decisions, decisions? Wait a  minute, I'M TH E KING OF THIS CASTLE. WHEN I SAY JUMP, THEY SAY HOW HIGH SIR?  WHEN I SAY I 'M HUNGRY, A PLATE IS BEFORE ME IN MINUTES. THAT'S HOW I ROLL.  My vows say, love, honor, and OBEY.  So needless to say, I snapped my fingers and the handy dandy pee bottle was emptied, food was in front of me, and a remote in my hand!!  Okay, so that didn't really happen but my boo did awake from her peaceful sleep to help her man out.

Putting my leg down and feeling all the blood rush down to my 'fixed' foot was a good feeling.  It made me want to have surgery on the other foot.  NOT!  Are you sensing any sarcasm?  Good, I have plenty of it.  Please somebody shoot me!!  I reason to myself that I must feel the pain in order to enjoy my 'fixed' foot in the future.  The things a man can endure to get back to his DUNKING abilities. Taking baths were fun too, and I don't mean just any old bath!! You have never experienced a bath until you have one while laying on the couch.  Boy o boy, Good Times!  Can you believe this is all happening in one weekend?

Monday is coming and it is  going to be my first post op visit with Dr. F.K.  I know whatever he says will make me feel better after my rough weekend. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHA.. I can't even write it without laughing.


SCENE 4 (The Liar Liar's Office):   That's not very nice of me, is it?  Oh well!!!  Any who, as we sit there patiently waiting to be seen, a voice in my head says, " Run Forrest, Run."  But how was I gonna do that with this ginormous cast on, crutches, and the fact I had surgery three days ago.  Not a good combo, so I guess I need to go back and listen. The nurse calls my name, MR. INCREDIBLE, and we go back to cut off my cast, and BOY, was that an eye opener.  I asked the nurse, "WHAT are you gonna cut with that Circular Saw?"  She said, "Cut your cast of course."  I gave her a look like, if you cut me with that, it's on!!!  That was the first bad vibe! I almost ripped the table in half while she was cutting.  I just knew she was going to cut my leg.  I was glad when it was over.  I went to take an X-ray and then waited for the doctor.  He walks in and says, "How are you?"  In my mind I'm looking at him like, Really?  Are you asking me that seriously?  Look at my foot, you tell me.  Sarcasm kicking in again, sorry.  Dr. F.K looks at the x-ray and stares at it like a deer in headlights!  Then, he proceeds to say, "Hmmm?", while rubbing his chin.  Hmmmmm?  Hmmmm? WOW!! I  should have ran like Forrest when I had the chance.  Note to self, if your doc looks at an  x-ray while scratching his head saying "Hmmmmm?", RUN, RUN, RUN for your life.  After staring at the x-ray for 3 minutes or so and scratching his head, he said, "Everything looks good except one little thing..."  This one little thing was the turning point of my 'FIXED' foot.  That one little thing was a bone graft that popped up ever so slightly.  He said nothing to worry about for now.  See you in two weeks.  What does that mean, for NOW?  Did he not know the correct response was "All looks good.  You should be up and DUNKING in no time."  Okay, he's a quack, sorry, I mean doctor.   Do you think I made it two weeks.  Uh, no.  Three days later, I receive what seems to me as a frantic phone call.  It's Dr. F.K..  Surprise! Surprise!  He begins to tell me that he showed the x-ray to his partner and he feels that it would be best from him to go back in and correct the shift in the bone graft immediately.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  TWO SURGERIES IN ONE WEEK.  LUCKY ME.

SCENE 5 (BACK AT THE HOSPITAL):  "Hey, you're back," the faculty said.  Glad to see you. Step right up for round 2.  Has anyone ever seen The Twilight Zone?  Not only have I seen it, I was living it.  So I go through the motion, sign my life away, get dressed, kiss my boo, and get prepped for slaughter (surgery) number 2.  This time I had a different nurse prepping me.  I only mention her because her needle puncture skills for the I.V. stunk.  I have a logical question for you,  HOW MANY TIMES SHOULD YOU STICK AN I.V. NEEDLE IN A VEIN THAT IS TO SMALL?   Let me think, hmmm? No, hold on, hmmmmm? Well, the good thing is I can count and I told her she might want to pick another vein seeing that that needle isn't going in.  I'm just saying.  Hope I didn't hurt her feelings seeing that she is a NURSE and I'm not.  Oh well, off I go again, drugged, still in pain from the FIRST surgery, and heading for my REDO. Life is good!!!

Well, I will continue later.  My wife has the vittles ready and I don't miss a meal!